so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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