This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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