Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
love makes seman taste better
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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