apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
