apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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