He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
