You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize