After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
