First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
