There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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