6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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