if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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