my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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