Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
