Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
