he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
