Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
