he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
