were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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