laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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