oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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