did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize