dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
