Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
