Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
