Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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