did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize