it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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