fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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