When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
