and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
