You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
