If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
