Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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