Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
