I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
