Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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