I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize