this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
