I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
