My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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