dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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