I think my vagina is haunted
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
