Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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