I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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