U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
