The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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