I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize