this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they're like a gay fantastic four
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
