Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
