Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
