12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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