$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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