yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
