Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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